3 Tips to Banish Your Negative Self-Talk Right Now
You know the feeling. Palms sweaty, but blood’s running a little cold. Mouth feels drier than usual (did the temperature just go up in here?).
😰 Maybe you’re overwhelmed by a challenging task (or haunted by past mistakes).
😰 Taking on something brand new and unfamiliar, and are afraid of failing.
😰 Or perhaps you just applied to what seems like your hundredth job with no word, and self-doubt and discouragement are settling in.
And you’re telling yourself, “I’m not good enough,” or “I’ll never succeed.” (before you’ve even begun).
You’re rooted to the spot. Unsure of what to do next. And falling into the black hole I like to call: The Negative Thought Spiral.
Whatever it is that’s bogging you down right now—fear, overwhelm, doubt, intimidation—it’s interfering with your ability to feel peace in your life.
What’s a negative thought spiral, you ask? It’s when the negative self-talk barges in, takes over, and drowns out everything else. Including all the good stuff.
We all experience it. I know I have (more on that later).
But there’s good news. You can break free.
My name’s Kelly. I’m a Career and Job Strategist and Professional Certified Life Coach. Not only do I coach my clients through their own negative self-talk, I’ve experienced it myself.
| Feeling stuck on your career journey and want to chat through a plan? My phone lines are open. Book your FREE Career Session with me. |
Luckily, I’ve learned a thing or two (or three, I suppose 😏).
And have three powerful tips you can do right now to stop that negative self-talk in its tracks, regain control, and move forward with confidence.
Here we go.
1. Boost Your Confidence
Often, one of the first things to go when we’re tumbling down a negative thought spiral is our self-confidence.
Negative self-talk can latch onto our confidence and squeeze it dry.
Right now, you may have thoughts like…
◾ Everyone else around me is so much more confident in what they’re doing. Why aren’t I?
◾ Why am I not more successful like [name]?
◾ I should’ve reached [goal] by now. I must not be very good at [job or activity].
◾ Why do I feel so overwhelmed? I should be able to handle this.
◾ If I were good enough, I’d have [...] by now.
So, a little confidence booster is in order.
First off, confidence is made, not born.
I know, I know. I also thought self-confidence was something you were just born with. You either had it, or you didn’t.
But as I gained more experience and felt my own self-confidence build—along with coaching my clients and seeing their confidence build—I changed my tune on it.
Maybe it actually came from experiences and the ability to trust oneself.
🚫 Disclaimer: Confidence ≠ Arrogance. Arrogance is actually a lack of confidence, a denial of faults, and intolerance of rejection. When we have true self-confidence, we understand that all humans are awesome.1
You don’t need to compare yourself to others to feel good or look to others to boost your confidence. You don’t even need to stare at yourself in the mirror and recite how great you are over and over (though that helps, too).
Self-confidence consists of three things: trusting yourself, accepting you can experience any emotion, and believing your worthiness.
And giving yours a lift can be as simple as going through a few short exercises to encourage yourself.
(Note: simple, not easy.)
Yes, this is sometimes easier said than done. Which is why I’m breaking it down for you here:
| 1️⃣ The ability to trust yourself | This means doing what you say you’re going to do. ✒️Try this: Write down 3 things you’ve accomplished or followed through on; especially when you exceeded expectations. ▪️ What barriers did you break down? ▪️ What challenges did you overcome? ▪️ What did or do you believe about yourself from those experiences? ▪️ What did you learn about yourself? See a pattern? You’ve done hard things before, and this time is no exception. |
|---|---|
| 2️⃣ Know you can experience any emotion—including failure—and not be harmed. | Our brains tend to steer us away from danger. And any perception of failure or uncertainty feels dangerous. So be prepared for your brain to say that what you’re about to do isn’t a good idea. ✒️Try this: Ask yourself, ▪️ Is it rejection? ▪️ Getting yelled at? ▪️ Not reaching your goal? ▪️ Being misunderstood? ▪️ Or even…being successful? Write down the worst-case scenarios, the emotions you might feel, and how you’d handle the situations if they came up. Not only are the worst-case scenarios often highly unlikely, but if they arise, you now have a plan to face them. |
| 3️⃣ Your opinion of yourself | Embrace your own worthiness. Self-confidence is a practiced self-belief. It’s not about relying solely on your ability but also your belief that you can handle something because of how you feel about it. Even if the worst-case scenario occurs, you still believe you are worthy. ✒️Try this: Take a few minutes and identify three thoughts or affirmations that feel empowering. Write them on a piece of paper and keep them handy. Here’s a few to get you started: ▪️ What [....] thinks of me is 100% about them. It has nothing to do with me. ▪️ I don’t need external validation for approval. ▪️ I am willing to let people be wrong about me. ▪️ Fear is no big deal. I will feel the fear and do it anyway. ▪️ I will be scared, and that’s ok. ▪️ Failure is just one more step to success. ▪️ I am committed to my results. ▪️ I honor my decisions. |
Want to know how the above exercise played out for me in real life?
Check this out:
| About 24 months ago, I committed to making 50 recruiting prospecting calls per week. At first, there was a lot of negative self-talk I couldn’t stop. My brain kept telling me that I just couldn’t do it. I kept telling me that I just couldn’t do it. I’d say I’d get around to it, but never followed through. And the self-doubt spread every time I didn’t do what I said I would. When I finally picked apart the worst-case scenario—someone hanging up on me or cursing me out—I broke that cycle. Because I realized the worst thing that would happen is that I’d feel a negative emotion like rejection or discomfort. And that’s okay. I made a plan and committed to making the calls, even though there was still some fear there. And guess what? My confidence GREW. Not because I was logging tons of call time but because I followed through on my commitment to myself. |
Negative self-talk can be a major gut punch to your self-confidence.
And switching your mindset away from fear is the second key to shutting it down.
2. Shift Your Mindset
As humans, we don’t want to feel negative emotions. And because of that, we push them to the wayside to deal with later.
Or worse: avoid them altogether.
Doing so makes us scared to do anything. Because we don’t want to risk failure.
Breaking this negative cycle is crucial.
Grant yourself permission to accept how you’re feeling. If you’re overwhelmed, discouraged, fearful, intimidated…accept these feelings are normal and okay.
Next, focus on what you can control.
Spiraling down an internal negative talk track is pretty easy when you dwell on things that are completely out of your hands—like when a company will call you back, if other people will like your work or react positively to your pitch.
These concerns are valid. But they won’t move you forward.
Make a list of what has you worried, cross off what you can’t control (circle what you can), and jot down actions you can take instead.
| Example: Job Search Anxiety | |
|---|---|
| Worried about: | Actions: |
| ✖️ [Company] not calling me back for an interview. | ▶️ Practice my interview skills with family or friends. |
| ✖️ What if other applicants have way more experience with [x] than I do? | ▶️ Ensure my resume is tailored to this company and position and highlights my qualifications and skills. |
| ✖️ I have no idea when I'll get a new job, what I'm looking for, or where to even start. | ▶️ Partner with a career strategist to design a plan of action. |
Need a little more help? Give this mindset-shifting exercise a shot:
⏲️ Set a 5-minute timer and let your brain go through the negative thoughts. Feel the feels and acknowledge the thoughts in your head as they pass by.
⏲️ Now, like editing a document in your mind, interrupt them by setting a 5-minute timer to think positive, productive thoughts.
Why it works: Our brains provide evidence to back up what we already think—positive OR negative. It’s programmed that way. 🧠
So, when you experience negative thoughts, your brain’s default is to reinforce them by feeding you info that supports those thoughts.
Pushing you even further into the negativity loop.
Reshaping them to be more positive interrupts this cycle, sending your brain on a mission to find evidence to bolster positive thoughts instead.
Remember: Our feelings come from our thoughts ➡️ Action (or inaction) is produced by our feelings ➡️ And our actions produce our results.
Once you’ve reframed your mindset and honed in on what you can control, the next step is taking action.
3. Take [Imperfect] Action
The operative word here is: Imperfect.
Sometimes, one of the biggest hurdles to overcoming negative self-talk is our fear of imperfection.
So much so that we’ll wait for that “perfect” moment to start a project, make a decision, or take a step forward without having ALL the answers or steps in place—paralysis by analysis, anyone?
In this moment, you may still feel the need to:
⚖️Weigh every option
🔮Predict every outcome
💯And ensure every detail is in place.
But, as the saying goes, if you’ve waited for the perfect moment, you’ve waited too long.
In reality, this is impossible to do. It’s just our brain’s way of protecting us from that perceived “dangerous failure” from earlier. Remember?
Instead, gather the info you now have, acknowledge your fear, and take a step forward anyway—no matter how small.
Try saying these things to yourself to help you to take action:
✅Thank you, brain. I know you’re just trying to protect me, but I’m going to [...] and feel uncomfortable. And that’s okay.
✅Each small step I take builds momentum toward my goal of [...].
✅Done is better than perfect. And I trust myself to handle whatever happens.
Taking imperfect action can be one of the most empowering steps in conquering negative self-talk.
Once you realize the perfect moment doesn’t really exist, it frees you up to start now, even though every detail or answer isn’t completely ironed out.
From Fear to Action: Your Journey Starts Now
Uncoiling from the negative thought spiral and detaching from negative self-talk isn’t easy.
But it’s one hundred percent possible.
By re-establishing your self-trust, giving yourself a confidence boost, shifting your mindset, and taking imperfect action, you pave the way to regain control and move forward confidently.
Remember, perfection is an illusion that’s guilty of keeping us stuck. So embrace progress over perfection and allow yourself to take steps forward.
No matter how small.
Because each one builds momentum toward your goals.
Ready to take the next step in your career journey and break through your barriers to achieve those goals?
Book your FREE, one-on-one Career Strategy Call with me today.
